Happiness can be a choice -- especially when you take the right actions.
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Happiness: everyone wants it, yet relatively few seem to get enough of
it, especially those in their
early forties. (I'm no psychologist, but that's probably about when many of
us start thinking, "Wait; is this all there is?")
Good news and bad news: unfortunately, approximately 50 percent of
your happiness, your "happiness set-point," is determined by
personality traits that are largely hereditary. Half of how happy you feel is
basically outside your control.
Bummer.
But, that means 50 percent of your
level of happiness is totally within your control: relationships, health,
career, etc. So even if you're genetically disposed to be somewhat gloomy, you
can still
do things to make yourself a lot happier.
Like this:
1. Make good friends
It's easy to focus on building a professional network of partners,
customers, employees, connections, etc, because there is (hopefully) a payoff.
But there's a definite payoff to making real (not just professional or
social media) friends. Increasing your number of friends correlates to higher
subjective well being; doubling your number of friends is like increasing
your income by 50 percent in terms of how happy you feel.
And if that's not enough, people who don't have strong social
relationships are 50
percent less likely to survive at any given time than those who do.
(That's a scary thought for loners like me.)
Make friends outside of work. Make friends at work. Make friends
everywhere.
Make real friends. You'll live a longer, happier life.
2. Actively express thankfulness
According to one study, couples that expressed gratitude in their
interactions with each other resulted in increases in relationship connection
and satisfaction the next day--both for the person expressing thankfulness and
(no big surprise) for the person receiving it. (In fact, the authors of the
study said gratitude was like a "booster shot" for relationships.)
Of course the same is true at work. Express gratitude for employee's
hard work and you both feel better about yourselves.
Another easy method is to write down a few things you are grateful for
every night. One study showed people who wrote down 5 things they were thankful
for once a week were
25 percent happier after ten weeks; in effect they dramatically increased
their happiness set-point.
Happy people focus on what they have, not on what they don't have.
It's motivating to want more in your career, relationships, bank account, etc.
but thinking about what you alreadyhave, and expressing gratitude for it,
will make you a lot happier.
And will remind you that even if you still have huge dreams you have
already accomplished a lot--and should feel genuinely proud.
3. Actively pursue your goals
Goals you don't pursue aren't goals, they're dreams, and dreams only
make you happy when you're dreaming.
Pursuing goals, though, does make you happy. According to David
Niven, author of 100
Simple Secrets of the Best Half of Life, "People who could identify a
goal they were pursuing(my italics) were 19% more likely to feel satisfied
with their lives and 26 percent more likely to feel positive about
themselves."
So be grateful for what you have... then actively try to achieve more.
If you're pursuing a huge goal, make sure that every time you take a small step
closer to achieving it you pat yourself on the back.
But don't compare where you are now to where you someday hope to be.
Compare where you are now to where you were a few days ago. Then you'll get
dozens of bite-sized chunks of fulfillment--and a never-ending supply of things
to be thankful for.
4. Do what you excel at as often as you can
You know the old cliché regarding the starving yet happy artist? Turns
out it's true: artists are considerably
more satisfied with their work than non-artists--even though the pay
tends to be considerably lower than in other skilled fields.
Why? I'm no researcher, but clearly the more you enjoy what you do and
the more fulfilled you feel by what you do the happier you will be.
In The
Happiness Advantage, Shawn Anchor says that when volunteers picked,
"...one of their signature strengths and used it in a new way each day for
a week, they became significantly happier and less depressed."
Of course it's unreasonable to think you can chuck it all and simply
do what you love. But you can find ways to do more of what you excel
at. Delegate. Outsource. Start to shift the products and services you provide
into areas that allow you to bring more of your strengths to bear. If you're a
great trainer, find ways to train more people. If you're a great salesperson,
find ways to streamline your admin tasks and get in front of more customers.
Everyone has at least a few things they do incredibly well. Find ways
to do those things more often. You'll be a lot happier.
And probably a lot more successful.
5. Give
While giving is usually considered to be unselfish, giving can also be
more beneficial for the giver than the receiver. Providing social
support may be more beneficial than receiving it.
Intuitively I think we all knew that because it feels awesome to help
someone who needs it. Not only is helping those in need fulfilling, it's also a
reminder of how comparatively fortunate we are--which is a nice reminder of how
thankful we should be for what we already have.
Plus, receiving is something you cannot control. If you need help--or
simply want help--you can't make others help you. But you can always
control whether you offer and provide help.
And that means you can always control, at least to a degree, how happy
you are--because giving makes you happier.
Money is important. Money does a lot of things. (One of the most
important is to create choices.)
But after a certain point, money doesn't make people happier. After
about $75,000 a year,money
doesn't buy more (or less) happiness. "Beyond $75,000... higher income
is neither the road to experience happiness nor the road to relief of
unhappiness or stress," say the authors of that study.
"Perhaps $75,000 is the threshold beyond which further increases
in income no longer improve individuals' ability to do what matters most to
their emotional well-being, such as spending time with people they like,
avoiding pain and disease, and enjoying leisure."
And if you don't buy that, here's
another take: "The materialistic drive and satisfaction with life are
negatively related." Or, in layman's terms, "Chasing possessions
tends to make you less happy."
Think of it as the bigger house syndrome. You want a bigger house. You need a
bigger house. (Not really, but it sure feels like you do.) So you buy it. Life
is good... until a couple months later when your bigger house is now just your
house.
New always becomes the new normal.
"Things" only provide momentary bursts of happiness. To be
happier, don't chase as many things. Chase a few experiences intead.
Bonnie
Ware worked in palliative care, spending time with patients who had only a
few months to live. Their most common regret was, "I wish I'd had the
courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of
me."
What other people think--especially people you don't even know--doesn't
matter. What other people want you to do doesn't mater.
Your hopes, your dreams, your goals... live your life your way.
Surround yourself with people who support and care not for the "you" they want
you to be but for the real you.
Make choices that are right for you. Say things you really want
to say to the people who most need to hear them. Express your feelings.
Stop and smell a few roses. Make friends, and stay in touch with them.
And most of all, realize that happiness is a choice. 50 percent of how
happy you are lies within your control, so start doing more things that will
make you happier.
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